6 Books That What Helped Me Through the Loss of My Daughter

Since Elizabeth passed away in July of 2019, I’ve always hoped I would be able to use this pain and grief for something bigger than myself, but I was naive to think it was going to be easy. It’s been a year and a half (wow) and I still find it next to impossible to talk about her death and the circumstances around it with strangers, or anyone really. 

I pictured myself writing blogs and sharing my painfully personal story with others who might have felt a loss this deep as well, but every time I go to write, I just end up crying and feeling sorry for myself. But I can feel it deep in my bones that there is a purpose somewhere in this pain. When I focus on a story or thought that I think can truly help, I’m finding it easier to move. There are so many things I wish I knew or had available to me when I was going through it. I found hope really hard to hold onto when Elizabeth was in the hospital and I wanted to cling to anyone’s story that resembled mine in any way. I felt so incredibly alone. I felt like I was the only one who had ever lost a child, a fact I knew to be false but nonetheless, the feeling persisted. Stories … any story that looked like what I was going through was such a comfort. I want to be that for others too. 

While I’m not ready to tell my stories, I am ready to share some advice in the form of book recommendations. These books are a part of the toolbox I culled together out of necessity. I was drowning and their words became my life rafts. The list below helped pull me out of a dark depression either for 1 minute or 1 day.

You might be reading this and not have lost a child but maybe you’ve lost someone very special to you or maybe you know someone who could really benefit from these suggestions. I urge you to pass it along. None of us can really comprehend how deeply painful each other process loss/grief. I hope this toolbox can relieve someone's pain. I hope that someone is you.

Sad Stories

Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar by Cheryl Strayed

There is a story on page 19 about a miscarriage and the answer given felt like it was written to me at the time. I read her reply over and over like balm that would soothe me for a minute here and there. The writing is extraordinary and heartfelt. 

An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination by Elizabeth McCracken

This is a memoir of child loss. As fast as I devoured every page, I also cried at every turn. This fed my curiosity of hearing stories of people who had been through loss and survived. I needed to know I was going to be ok, but I never got that assurance. Nothing was going to be able to do that for me. But this book made me feel less alone.

These two books helped me in the beginning phase of my grief when I felt so very lonely. I wanted so badly to hear stories of other people's loss, especially child loss. I wanted to know that people had been through worse and survived.

After Life

The Light Between Us: Stories from Heaven. Lessons for the Living. by Laura Lynne Jackson

Signs: The Secret Language of the Universe by Laura Lynne Jackson

I’ve always been spiritual but never really thought much about my connection to the other side. I came across the next two books by divine intervention. I kept hearing about them over and over until I finally ordered them on Amazon. Learning more about signs from loved ones that have passed brought me an incredible amount of joy and comfort. I always encourage people who ask me what to do after a loss to read these books. They filled me with hope after a very long time. 

Self-Help

Grief Works: Stories of Life, Death, and Surviving by Julia Samuel

It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand by Megan Devine

It took me a few months after Elizabeth passed to get into the self-help section of grief. I didn't want to move past my sadness. I was offended by the thought of it. I lived in my sadness and I suggest to others to do the same … until you're ready to poke your head out. I started with these books which I read very slowly. They became a ritual for me, almost like a mini therapy session.

I would love to know if you read or have read any of these and what other books helped you. I have more tools that have helped me and will do a part 2.

Until next week,

jodi xx